World leaders gather at U.N. to discuss why FaceBook page – a proven tool for solving international challenges – could not prevent global warming. Greenpeace exerts presented a report on climate change that questions efficiency of FaceBook pages.
“I just can’t believe it’s failing…” president Obama said after the presentation later on Monday. “This undermines our national security. If we can’t rely on FaceBook to advance our agendas.., then we’re really stuck in Iraq and Afghanistan…”
U.S. President has reportedly lost control for a few seconds after realizing the whole range of consequences of FaceBook inefficiency. “F#ck, my whole campaign platform was based on FaceBook potential to solve problems.. How the f#ck am I gon’na reform healthcare now?..”
The skepticism was quickly caught up by OSCE Minsk Group which confirmed that their “Solve Karabakh conflict” page has also failed to yield any results. “This is just beyond common sense. We did everything as required: created a FaceBook page, posted articles, had discussions, photos, some videos… but the conflict is still unresolved,” says French co-Chair Bernard Fassier.
President of Armenia also dwelled on inefficiencies of the social network: “Twice has Ilham Aliev ignored my ‘Friend requests’. TWICE, for Chrissake… He could at least add me on a “limited profile” like the Turkish president did, or just block my comments on “photo albums” like Putin did, but not reject FB requests, moreover that OSCE Minsk Group suggested I add him.”
Russian Prime Minister reacted immediately: “Russia is a big country and I already have over 30 mln friends.. if I allow everyone to post comments on my page, this will slow down the efficiency of the Kremlin operations in general. So it’s not personal, really.”
FaceBook administration stepped in on Monday to comfort subscribers and offer explanations: “FaceBook carries no responsibility for the failure of the anti-global warming initiative as the page was created after the global warming had reached a peak and could no longer be reversed.”
The FB official also explained that some conflict resolutions take a while: “Why only focus on the ongoing conflict? Let’s not forget the numerous successful FB pages like Russia’s “Screwing Georgia”. Within only a few days of creation the page had its effect. Or the U.S. most successful FB page “F#ck the earth ecology” which has proved increasing efficiency and, of course, the brilliant success of controversial Arab FaceBookers with their “Let’s bomb” initiative. So there is no serious ground to question our social network potential.”
Inspired by the FB administration arguments U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon made announcement calling on world leaders to join a new global initiative: “Despite the growing disbelief in the power of FaceBook, we hereby launch a new and much tougher initiative to stop the global warming. I hereby sanction the establishment of radically new type of group in terms of efficiency and strategy. It’ll be called “I bet I can find one million people willing to stop global warming.” I’m sure in a few years this new FaceBook approach will reverse the climate change back to normal.”