Iraqi Terrorists Denounce Taliban for Taking All Media Coverage

By Sergey

Baghdad, Iraq — Hundreds of Iraqi terrorist groups and private insurgents rallied downtown Baghdad in a wave of protest against increased media attention to acts of violence in Afghanistan. The protesters chanted for equal coverage of terrorist acts on both fronts and against “apparent favoritism”.

Head of the Iraqi insurgents, Zahal al-Qalzawi announced to the gathered crowd the full patchwork of discontent: “What is so wrong about our terrorist attacks, my friends? Why is media not covering our attacks as much as they cover Afghanistan terror which is frankly a joke to me? Are we not organizing explosions creatively enough? Our suicide bombers work hard day and night to impress the Western media, but, hey, at the end of the day, Taliban assholes make all the news!”

The protesters later marched to the UN headquarters with a petition signed by key terror activists and insurgent community advocates, as well as Transparent Terrorism International (TTI) NGO – an international wistleblower for terrorist rights. The petition was calling the international community to  refrain from biased approach in covering terror attacks:

“We, the suicide bombers and affiliated insurgents, call on world leaders to take politics away from terrorism coverage on TV. We believe that any terrorist attack regardless of nationality, race or religion affiliation should be equally covered by key TV companies. We are concerned over under-representation of our terrorist efforts in Iraq and unjustifiable zoom on the Taliban defiance, which, in fact, kills even less civilians than our insurgent interns.”

The message also stressed the significant risk that the Iraqi suicide bombers take in performing their community terrorist activities and restrictions of life insurance given unstable nature of work.

One of the suicide bomber instructors, Ali al-Nariki told ArmCom with deep disappointment: “I remember the good days of some 5-4 years ago. Then, even a small suicide bomb would generate coverage on prime time of CNN, especially as we did it right after that “Mission Accomplished” announcement.. Oh, the good days.. good days indeed”, says al-Nariki with a long sigh and trembling voice. “Now everything has changed.. Now it takes more and more people to blow up to get a few moments on CNN. We’ve even  been running out of volunteers recently, trying to attract the media..” says al-Nariki resisting tears, “We even started our own newsletter featuring our suicide attacks to raise public awareness and generate interest to our contribution to the global terror movement. No use.. And now they also cover Iran pathetic slashes, for Chrissake, and these guys have hardly any blood flowing there..”.

International human rights and freedom of speech organizations reflected the demands of Iraqi insurgents in their annual reports on world injustice. Human Rights Watch published a report criticizing Western media and especially CNN and BBC for providing disproportionate coverage to Taliban terrorist attacks. The report particularly says:

“While Taliban terrorism is still a major issue, the suicide efforts of Iraqi insurgents are not granted news coverage proportionate to their level of effort. This year Iraqi terrorists have exploded over 1000 civilian and 54 military objects and received a total of 98 minutes of TV coverage, while Taliban got a full 500 minutes with a shameful death toll at some 476 and unprecedented low in military facility explosions — 17.”

Soon followed reaction from the Afghani side, where Taliban made the case for maintaining current proportion of news coverage: “Indeed, our traditional death toll has unfortunately dropped in the past years”, says Taliban suicide spokesman Jamal Kliderman. “However, we have been exercising a more inclusive approach in suicide bombing, as opposed to Iraqi blunt attacks. If you look at proportions of suicide performers, you’ll see some 25% of women, 5% of disabled and a few sexual minority suicide bombers. This is what attracts the West these days – inclusiveness, gender balance and minority representation, so that’s what we provide. Thus, our Iraqi colleagues should simply keep up with what regular tax-payers would prefer to watch and not stick to outdated blow-ups to get media attention.”

As the two conflicting terrorist groups continue debate, Peace Nobel Prize winning president Obama has approved a program of sending more troops and reporters to Afghanistan with advanced digital cameras and direct connection to YouTube.