The Celentano Code

by Narek

Yerevan’s 2791st birthday was not just about rainbows, lollipops and butterflies, the climax of the day was the performance of world famous singer, winner of 7 Glemmy awards and multiple platinum cassettes the one and only Nick Celentano. Yerevan residents were pleasantly surprised to see him perform  on the Republic Square,  instead of Adriano Celentano, a long forgotten Italian crooner. Yerevan Mayor’s office was bombarded with thank-you-letters, Hallmark cards and teddy bears sent by grateful music aficionados the following day.

Press Secretary of Mayor’s office Yerjanik Shat-Ladokyan informed citizens that it was a PR move to belittle their tremendous work and tell people they’d be getting Adriano and then surprise them with Nick Celentano. “Yes, we were very modest in the past, and now I think it is the time to tell you one more secret. Armenians who recently paid 120 000 drams for one ticket will be delighted to know that they had seen Lara Pugacheva instead of the old and worthless Alla!” Shat-Ladokyan added that it was just the beginning of many surprises and Yerevanites will be treated to many more megastars in the future. “We are currently negotiating with C.C. King, Modern Walking, Louis Legstrong, Mad Donna and even Michael Gackson, so the best is yet to come.”

“The best may come, but we definitely never will”  was the strong reaction of Serj Tankian, frontman of System of A Down, US rock band with Armenian origins and many Armenian flags. Tankian and the rest of the band were really pissed off by the fact that nobody invited them to perform at the concert. “After all the times we waved Armenian flags in our videos, we are neglected? Of course Nick Celentano is a musical legend, no argue there, but did he ever wave an Armenian flag? We will never play in Armenia!” added lead guitarist Daron Malakian. The band that became famous for patriotism to Armenia did not play in the country even once, through 15 years of existence.

Yerevan Mayor’s office asked citizens not to worry because of eccentric musicians and promised to make an even better show with System of A Clown, System of A Frown and System of A Noun, featuring Let Zeppelin as the warm-up. “We are aware that many SOAD fans got old, married and died waiting for their favorite band to perform in Armenia, but this will soon end, after all we got Nick Celentano to sing with Forsh, so nothing is impossible” concluded Shat-Ladokyan.