By Sergey
Fall session of Parliament started with heated debate over bill on hottest US celebrity. MPs split into groups supporting Angelina Jolie and those claiming that Jennifer Lopez is more grab-worthy. Opposition vows to call on massive civil unrest if Jolie bill is adopted.
To remind, last fall Russian Federation ratified a piece of legislation calling Angelina Jolie “super hot” which was followed by similar legislations appearing in Tajikistan and Belarus, as well as break-away republics of Abkhazia and South Osetia who recognized Jolie “really hot.” This was met by protest on part of Georgia. “Georgian constitution clearly states that Jennifer Lopez is twice as hot as Jolie. Obviously, Russia is simply once again trying to make me look like a… clown.. or idiot, I’m not sure.. But this is totally unacceptable. Europeans have recognized me ‘a really nice guy’. So Russians need to check their facts,” announced president Saakashvili.
Later the year, in Armenia the ruling Republican Party proposed a bill recognizing Jolie hottest US celebrity in early September. The draft law has passed the first reading and is currently facing aggressive resistance by other major parliament factions.
“Legal State” party opposed to the bill claiming that Lopez is by far more attractive. Hovhannes Margaryan said Monday in Parliament: “You’ve got to be kidding. Have you seen Lopez’s butt? No seriously, can you compare it to the skinny bottom of Jolie.” Margaryan’s stance was supported by fellow MP Heghine Bisharyan: “I’m not saying Jolie is ugly or something. But a woman’s lips cannot be that spacious. Lopez, on the other hand, is more natural and feminine in that terms.”
A more radical approach to the bill was exercised by the ARF party. Dashnaks gathered a massive rally in “Charles Aznavour” square in Yerevan to declare the new bill on “Jolie” unacceptable. Armen Rustamyan of Dashnaks told the enthusiastic crowd: “Our nation faces its ultimate challenge today, my friends. The Government is up for the most irresponsible move since the disgraceful ‘Sharapova/Kurnikova’ bill.”
Rustamyan explained that “we have way more serious issues to discuss prior to this totally untimely and absolutely pointless bill on Jolie. We still haven’t figured who is stronger – Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee. Our party has repeatedly raised the draft law to recognize Chuck Norris the strongest fighter ever, but the Republican’s keep hindering our cause. Seriously, I think maybe we should stop supporting them in every election…”
Political expert Richard Giragosyan shared his view on the situation with our reporter: “This is a classic breast-butt dispute, where proponents of breast are presented by Republicans and opposition is more butt-oriented. I believe Republicans have a good chance of passing the bill, as the pro-butt moods have missed the momentum in 2008 and are now on relative decline.”
Giragosyan also stressed Russian influence saying: “Considering the vast Russian military bases in Armenia, I don’t think Lopez has a real chance in this legislation dispute, as much as pro-butt sentiments heat up.”
Oppositional Armenian National Congress released secret documents with photos of Jolie breastfeeding Azerbaijani child. “Look at these pictures and tell me if you still find her hot. Indeed, we appreciate her significant breast, but you really need to enjoy watching a woman from behind, don’t you?” said Levon Zurabyan in a press conference.
In the meanwhile police detained 20 opposition youth activists spreading leaflets with Lopez photos. Police also has effectively banned for the period of parliamentary sessions any tight skirts and lady-pants which may allude to Jennifer Lopez.
Wonderful!