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Anders Breivik Applies for Extradition to Azerbaijan

“Because I qualify”, — Breivik

OSLONorway’s notorious mass murderer Anders Breivik’s attorney has submitted an application to Azerbaijani Embassy in Oslo seeking opportunities for extradition. Breivik explains his decision to solicit the extradition and further pursuit of Azerbaijani citizenship by shared philosophy and values with Azerbaijan’s current regime.

Norway’s mass murderer who took lives of 69 people in 2011 in a shooting spree in Oslo made scandalous announcement on Friday appealing to the government of Azerbaijan to address his extradition request. Breivik provided his background portfolio, which elaborates his experience and qualifications in cold-blooded murders.

Breivik’s attorney believes his defendant has every right and qualification to be a proud citizen of Azerbaijan. “We’re hoping Azerbaijan will manifest consistency in expediting extradition and offering pardons to cold-blooded murderers. We understand that in case of Mr. Breivik no axe was involved, but the fact is that innocent people were slaughtered and there’s a good chance some of them didn’t like Azerbaijan,” – stated the lawyer.

The reaction from Baku followed immediately chilling down the appeal expectations. In an interview with Norway’s Public TV, Azerbaijani president Ilham Aliev stated: “Anders Breivik’s request for extradition to Azerbaijan is absolutely ridiculous. First of all, he hasn’t murdered a single ethnic Armenian. Secondly, all the 69 victims murdered by Breivik were awake. And thirdly, Norway has large oil and gas resources which makes extradition facilitation too complicated”.

“I’m not sure. Breivik hasn’t killed a single ethnic Armenian,” — Aliev

However, the opinions in Azerbaijan have divided over the issue. Head of the revered “Tophique” analytical center for strategic analysis Tophique Aliev claimed that Breivik can still offer useful service to Azerbaijan. “ You can’t judge a person by one mistake. If he killed 69 people without wounding a single Armenian, it does not mean he can’t do it in the future. The important thing is that his general philosophy on life is in line with ours”.

Breivik’s attorney also explained that it was not Breivik’s fault that in a crowd of over a hundred people there would be no Armenians. “Azerbaijan must understand that it is a significant challenge for a mass murderer to ensure ethnic inclusiveness of victims at a shooting spree. Yes, no Armenian was killed there, but, hey — these things happen. Mr. Aliev should be able to see the big picture in this and appreciate the potential of my client for the future”.

Although Azerbaijan has not made a final decision on the extradition case, major political analysts believe that to receive Azerbaijan’s support Breivik will need to provide solid guarantees that his future slaughters will include at least 80% of ethnic Armenians.

Coincidentally, sources report that a group of very old people  from Argentina with heavy German accent have also submitted applications for Azerbaijani citizenship and permanent residency in Azerbaijan.

3 Comments

  1. Armen Armen Սեպտեմբերի 9, 2012

    The coolest part is the call of the europe to both sides on the top.

  2. Armenia Armenia Սեպտեմբերի 9, 2012

    Tophique! Epic!!!

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