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Russia Announces Launch of Totally New, Non-USSR Union

EvrAzES kicks off with Russia-Belarus-Kazakhstan, but will be happy to embrace more volunteers

MOSCOWRussian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin who recently succumbed to nation’s urge to seek a 3rd presidential term in 2013, recently published a milestone article unveiling his new project – “Eurasian Economic Commonwealth” (transliteration  — EVRAZES) which is announced to not have anything to do with USSR model.

The Russian leader has stressed 13 times in his article that he is NOT seeking to recreate USSR as many Western experts suggest. “This is going to be something totally new: single economic space, one huge country with no borders, same countries as in USSR, later possibly same currency and citizenship, BUT and it’s a huge but – it will have nothing in common with USSR.”

The new Commonwealth is expected to kick off in 2012 as the economic cooperation agreement is concluded which will initially include Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan.

“Countries like Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Armenia and others will be welcome to join if they choose so,” mentions Putin in his article. “We’re not pushing. Although.. yes, we are buying out their energy resources, but it’s done only to ensure the “choosing to join EEC” process doesn’t take forever. But once again – no pressure.”

Experts believe that Russian Prime Minister believes in his statements and expect more clarifications by the Kremlin on how the new mega-state will have nothing in common with USSR.

"You have no idea how different this will be from the USSR", Putin

Russia’s incumbent president Medvedev supported his Minister’s claims: “It will simply be a place, where all the post-Soviet states could get together, have fun, ask for advice, receive instructions and generally socialize like in the old times. But it will definitely have nothing in common with USSR! Except.. I guess I shouldn’t be saying this, but we had this fun idea to actually rename it USSR at some point… like really later… totally as a prank”.

Armenian government has expressed cautious hope about the announced aspect of non-resemblance to USSR and non-pushing to join the new Union. Armenia’s Foreign Ministry Spokesman Tigran Balayan told our reporter he has a good feeling about the new Russian initiative.

“For one thing, President Putin (Prime Minister – edit.) made explicitly clear they are not trying to pull a new USSR. All they want to do is bring all the post-Soviet states back together, get a shared economic space, share same currency, customs… and… holy shit, that doesn’t sound good, when I say it out loud…” – Balayan admits.

Russian official sources continue to urge that the new Union that will  be merely about shaping a new cute family involving some cool old friend countries coming together with Russia, sharing stuff, voluntary sleep-overs and occasional therapeutic gang-bangs.