President of Azerbayjan Ilham Aliyev is nominated for an Academy Award as best comedy actor for his first movie about Karabakh war “Azeri Pie: First Penetration”. The news might have been shocking, if not the recent ‘Man of the Year’ award, Aliyev received in Canada for tremendous contributions to strengthening peace. Apparently talents and accomplishments of Azeri president go far beyond being the most distinguished peace activist of Canada in 2009.
In the new Azeri box office hit, Aliyev plays the role of a President, who decides to resign his post and return to collage, where he can finally lose his virginity and fulfill his dream of becoming a skateboarder. Director of the movie, controversial Roman Polanski was smart enough to cast Hollywood actor Jack Black as the supporting actor in the movie. Black’s performance in all the movies he played in was so terribly horrible and dull that he really made Aliyev’s acting skills stand out.
“Of course it’s OK for you to call me this late at night, don’t worry…Yes you did wake me up, but it’s totally fine… It was an honor to play with Ilham in that movie, he’s a great guy, a fantastic actor and you should really see his Eric Cartman impression. He’s really good and he taught me how to do an evil laugh like BWA-HA-HA-HAAA. I think this helped me grow as an actor and if anyone should win the award, it’s him” said Jack Black during a late telephone interview.
In fact the movie Borat was Ilham Aliyev’s first movie debut and those who watched the movie up to the credits did see the gifted Azeri leader in the very end. Witnesses say Aliyev got so excited that he wet his Presidential pants, Presidential socks, Presidential couch and even Presidential wife.
Another Hollywood comedian, very talented one this time, was not so enthusiastic about Ilham Aliyev’s acting debut. “Who the f*ck is that douchebag? And who gave you my number?” was the answer of Jim Carrey, when we called to ask him about Aliyev.
Meanwhile thousands of Canadians travel across the border to buy Ilham Aliyev’s DVDs in order to boost US sales and strengthen Aliyev’s chances for winning Oscar. Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper encouraged his Cabinet and fellow Canadians to buy the DVD. “After everything Aliyev did for Canada in 2009, this is the least we can do. Well maybe we can put up a statue in Toronto, but he must contribute just a little more to peace in Canada” said the Prime Minister of the country that last took part in a real war in 1945.
Canadian jazz sensation Michael Bublé said it better than any other person we interviewed: “Aliyev? It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and I have to work tomorrow. Screw him”
As for Aliyev, he is very confident about winning the Oscar and very excited about the fact that he’ll be sitting next to Jean Claude Van Damme during Oscar.