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Europe Calls on Armenia and Azerbaijan to Stop Axing Each Other’s Soldiers in Sleep

“Armenia and Azerbaijan must stop axing each other and then releasing the hackers and then patronizing them as heroes,” — Ashton

BRUSSELS Catherine Ashton, High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy has harshly condemned the act of extradition of persons serving prison terms in Budapest to Azerbaijan or Armenia. The European official encouraged the parties of the Karabakh conflict to refrain from provocations and to generally take it easy.

“We are very concerned about the fact that Azerbaijani and Armenian soldiers axe each other in sleep and all that. Apparently, Armenia and Azerbaijan are clueless about the European values or have been misinterpreting them, – said Ashton, — What we, Europeans, do is talk things over and compromise. It’s a shame that Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia and South Ossetia attack each other at night in Budapest. It’s just wrong and non-European.”

The reaction of the EU official caused dissatisfaction among the Armenian side for attributing the criminal act of one country to both conflict parties. Armenian foreign Ministry Spokesman retorted to the Ashton report: “Obviously, Europeans know best about… everything, however it seems like… I’m almost sure the Safarov story involved only one maniacal murderer killing a sleeping person and the murderer  wasn’t wearing our uniform”.

The Armenian reaction was received in European political circles with parental smiles, as the major political and diplomatic experts explained that any condemnation or praise to parties of a conflict, according to classic diplomacy rules, is supposed to be shared between the two antagonists. “It’s plain ABC of diplomacy – you don’t blame just one side, as it may lead to hard feelings of the other side and, hence, complications in dialogue,” – major European diplomacy expert revealed with a fatherly smile.

“OSCE MG strongly condemns the murder committed by Ramil Safarov and calls on Azerbaijan and Armenia to stop pardoning and glorifying him”, — OSCE Minsk people

Shortly after the reports, OSCE Minsk group issued condemning statement calling the pardon of Ramil Safarov by the Azerbaijani president “serious concern” and calling on Azerbaijan and Armenia to stop offering such pardons to soldiers who cold-bloodedly kill people in sleep in peaceful conditions.

OSCE also swiftly reprimanded Armenia and Azerbaijan for using billions of oil-money to bribe European governments to release criminals to homeland. “Boosting of oil revenues may create significant temptations to manipulate certain political figures or even governments for that matter, but we encourage Azerbaijan and Armenia to channel their oil money for peace-building initiatives and focus on conflict resolution”, — reads OSCE Minsk Team’s note.

Though the escalation of the scandal, some countries managed to send clearer messages on the situation. Noteworhtily, US has been able to display a reasonable-sized pair of diplomatic balls, condemning Azerbaijan for release of the criminal and urging Hungary to provide explanations on the matter.

While Russia has also offered condemnation to Azerbaijan, it openly delegated last say to the OSCE Minsk people, who eventually called on both Armenia and Azerbaijan to stop hacking each other on trainings in Budapest or at least not to axe each other 16 times which undermines the stability of the region and shocks the fuck out of Europeans.

Although the story continues to progress, Armenians have reminded the EU that major part of the stability of the wider region also depends on democratic processes in European countries and that Europe and Russia should stop boosting grounds for revitalizing Soviet Union and encouraging former KGB officers in Europe and Russia to grip to presidential power for decades .


  1. Armenia Armenia 04/09/2012

    Mera:) Sergey, du inch es cxum?:)

    • Sergey Sergey Post author | 04/09/2012

      էհ, ծխելու բան լիներ, ավելի լավ կգրեի)

  2. Միքայել Հ. via Facebook Միքայել Հ. via Facebook 04/09/2012

    mortum eq 🙂

  3. Adrineh Adrineh 04/09/2012

    “oil money” — I wish!

  4. […] wrote an excellent satire on the worthless statements of our European partners: Europe Calls on Armenia and Azerbaijan to Stop Axing Each Other’s Soldiers in Sleep. Sadly, this is very close to the realty. Neither the EU nor NATO have taken measures against the […]

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