LONDON – Singer Elton John is once again changing the lyrics of his 1990 hit song to dedicate it to late North Korean dictator Kim Chong Il. The remake will be entitled Asshole in the Wind and the single shall be released worldwide, with the exception of North Korea. Elton John fans in North Korea won’t be able to listen to the song dedicated to their beloved leader for a number of reasons: 1) the complete ban of Internet by the beloved himself makes music downloads very tricky; 2) CDs are yet to be introduced in North Korea, the Special National Commission on detecting evil Western influences still hasn’t approved CDs; and 3) There are no Elton John fans in North Korea.
We managed to get a hold of some excerpts from lyrics of Asshole In The Wind:
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like an Asshole in the wind
Never knowing how to make nukes
Just to blow something
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just really afraid
Your candle burned out way too late
Your Cult will still go on
Other singers think Sir Elton is is just trying to cash in on Holiday re-dedicating the song for the 3rd time. “You can’ just change a few words in a song and dedicate it again on Christmas. You should record an album of Christmas covers for the millionth time, package them nicely add 1-2 new instruments and sell it. That’s what hard-working artists do!”, – complained Mariah Carey, who skipped 2011 only to do a fantastic Christmas album next year.
North Koreans had a mixed reaction about the release some promised to nuke the singer once the “absolutely peaceful research that absolutely nothing to do with the development of weapons of mass destruction” is finished, others just wished him painful slow death. Supreme Leader’s successor Kim Jong Un declared official ban of Elton John in the country making him 10 000 000th thing banned in North Korea along with sex for pleasure, smiles and chicken soup.