Washington DC – President Obama addressed the Americans with two good news: he announced that Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden was finally killed and that the Royal Wedding story will no longer dominate the news. “The world was in peril, Ladies and Gentlemen. The world was overtaken by the enormous news coverage of Will and Kate’s wedding, belittling the earthquake in Japan, war in Libya, and unveiling of my birth certificate. The Nation was sick and tired of hearing how cute Kate Middleton was or how awesome Prince William’s suit was. If I heard one more person comparing that wedding with the Cinderella story I’d blow my brains out. The situation needed an urgent intervention. Killing Bin Laden made complete sense to everyone”, – said the President.
With the world once again able to watch news without learning every little cheesy unimportant detail about Will and Kate, we can finally start concentrating on the serious affairs. Is Bin Laden really dead?
Republican nominee wannabe Donald Trump, who had recently been severely embarrassed by presentation of President Obama’s birth certificate, is now demanding for Bin Laden’s corpse certificate to be immediately presented. He threatened to accuse Obama in faking Bin Laden’s death and ramble like crazy up until Thanksgiving Day. Polls indicate that some 30% of Americans, are ready to support him.
Armenian authorities made no official statements about annihilation of world’s #1 terrorist, however some politicians shared the story on their Facebook profiles and one minister allegedly made a really funny joke about the kill. Local bums had very mixed emotions. “It’s good that they finally killed him, but now I have no hope left. There was a pretty big ransom for capturing Bin Laden and if one day he showed his ass around our block I’d catch him and FBI would pay me a lotta money. Not that I was going to hunt him down, but it was a very good opportunity right there and now it’s gone…all gone”, told Vardges, 34, unemployed.
Al Qaeda Charge d’Affairs Mohammad Al Zarqawi recorded a video address saying “We’re not really sure if it was Osama or not, since we don’t exactly have his cell number too. However Al Qaeda would like to confirm its dedication to world terror and Holy Jihad. If dead, Osama will be dearly missed, especially his cute explosion style , but we have no shortage of radical psychopath maniacs in Al Qaeda”. Rumor is that that Al Qaeda is going to hold a contest called Terrorist Idol to choose the next terrorist mastermind via public SMS vote among radical fundamentaists and common assholes. “Al Qaeda’s official position is condemning the murder of osama Bin Laden and death to Obama administration. However we are also glad that the Royal Wedding buzz is over. It was a nightmare and I even stopped watching Al jazeera for a while” – added Al Zarqawi.
Dead or not, one thing is true, the world will discuss that particular Royal Wedding so much never again.