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Kyrgyzstan Declares Anarchy

by Narek

Cars salute Anarchy with spontaneous combustion

Kyrgyz interim Government led by Roza Otunbayeva made drastic reforms to country’s Constitution last week, changing the official governance model to anarchy. “First of all I want everyone to understand that this is not another revolution. Simply, we chose anarchy to be our new governance model.” — declared Otunbayeva during her address  on Ы TV last Friday. “We’ve had too many revolutions lately. Our researches show that Kyrgyzstan awareness worldwide raised from 1.4% to unprecedented 34%. It’s time to stop, and the only reasonable solution we see is anarchy.”

According to Otunbayeva any Kyrgyz citizen who is pissed off at anything is now allowed to take any measures he likes. 5 seconds after the television address Kırgız Respublikası Police disbanded itself, took all the weapons and headed to jewelery stores.

Our surveys on the streets of Bishkek showed that the decision was very popular. A passerby, who was carrying a gun and a large sack with a dollar sign said: “Declaring anarchy was the best thing Government ever did. I never enjoyed the service at the bank this much. It took just 2 minutes and I am extremely pleased. Hurry up, there is still some money left.”

ArmComedy's reporter in the heat of events

Political analyst Rafis Solpuktyev thinks the decision to switch to anarchy was forced: “Kyrgyzstan had so many revolutions during the last few years that the politicians simply ran out of flower names to name next revolution.”

Civil disobedience and constant government overthrows changed not just the political culture, but also the mentality of the Kyrgyz. Enormous amount of revolutions set a bad example and resulted in thousands of local revolutions. In May a Kyrgyz woman successfully plotted a revolution at home. 38 year old  Selentisa Sykegieva forced her husband to switch from regular toilet paper to soft pink and scented toilet paper. Media quickly tagged the revolution as Orchid revolution.

After official declaration of anarchy, it turned out that most of the Kyrgyz are seriously pissed off with the Uzbek, who compose 14.4% of the population. “Yshkyshy” newspaper reported of groups of drunk and high terrorist wannabees stealing cars and weapon and heading  South to kick some Uzbek asses.

'Anarchy did seem like a good idea'

Later same day Otunbayeva commented on the emerging genocide: “Who could have known that anarchy may end up with violence? The interim government really does not know how to handle the crisis. I guess the best thing we can do is call Russians for help. Or maybe the Americans…or the Chinese they are really close…but than again, the violence was impossible to predict.”

Sources say that the Kyrgyz opposition led by former President and former opposition Kurmanbek Bakiyev is planning one last revolution to end the anarchy. The runaway President is supposedly quoted saying “This will be the last one, I promise.”


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  1. Arshak Arshak 15/06/2010

    Haha )))) spanich er

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