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Netherlands Legalize Post-Natal Abortions

By Sergey

Dutch parliament gives parents of losers a second chance

Amsterdam, Netherlands — Dutch legislation approved in final reading piece of legislation on controversial “abortion bill”. The new law amends previous legislation to enable couples extend control over family planning. It makes possible to abort children up to 18 years old after the moment of birth, before civil status of fetus has been effectively formed, if the offsprings fall short of parent expectations.

Advocates of the passed law — Dutch Conservative Party — calls the new initiative a “huge step forward towards advanced family planning”. The spokesman of the party details: “The law basically is designed to enable parents to make sure that their offspring grows up into expected type of person. If a child doesn’t get expected school scores, parties too much, smokes or talks back, it is now possible to solve the problem by one call to the Post-Natal Abortion Agency. Simple as that!”

Although the new law envisages age limit till 18 years old, certain exceptions have been reserved for extreme cases. Article 13 of the bill reads: “Post-natal abortion may be implemented to individuals over 18 years old, in case the latter proves to be a complete asshole at later age.” The Agency reported that multiple foreign couples have filed applications to Netherlands right after adoption of the bill. The waiting list is allegedly topped by Barbara Bush.

"I can finally appologize to the world", Barbara

Opponents of the bill have harshly criticized its moral side and already received support from the Pope. Head of the oppositional “Happy Netherlands” party Lilian Steppen told in a press conference: “There is too much room for abuse in this law. Bad parents may resort to this Agency just to save on education or just to get rid of the noise in the house “. The legislator also outlined the overall estimate of the bill untimely. “Other than that, of course it’s about time to empower parents”, concluded Steppen.

The Agency has posted on they website testimonies from happy families making use of the new opportunity: “For years our son has been a disappointment — he didn’t study well, was bad at sports and didn’t even play any musical instruments. Now with the new law we got a second chance and we can’t thank the Conservative party enough for it!” Van Thomsons

“My twins always quarreled about who should sit in the front of the car… awful experience for a mother. WhenI recall all that time, I realize how much annoyance I went through. Now I’m just going to have one of them left and they alreadycompete for the spot at home. Thank you for the law!” Karlina Van Carlton

"Lucy in the sky with diamonds..." Dutch expert

Many analysts call the law too liberal even for Holland. Expert from Dutch “Magic Pie” think tank, Click Van Cluck believes it is even more provocative than last year’s law legalizing sex slavery. “Nobody argues that the idea to empower disappointed parents is very useful, but it is just too early. We should have waited at least till rest of world gets over frustrations over our previous laws legalizing trafficking, sex with non-electric kitchen-ware and kicking priests in the crutch”. The expert also showed profits of the new law after a few additional puffs: “On the other hand.. screw them. Our economy needs the money from angry parents from around the world”.  

In the meanwhile a dramatic wave of emigration of Dutch youth started with adoption of the law. Crowded airports and train stations have flooded the country.  One the young men in the airport crowd shared concerns with ArmCom: “I can’t believe they actually adopted it… I’m only 17 and although a total asshole, I really want to live.. I did no not I choose to become what i am I was just born like this.. My parents haven’t told me anything, but if I were in their place, I’d totally abort myself, which is why I decided to leave Holland”.

It is noteworthy that most parents of the Conservative Party members have  filed application to the Post-Natal Abortion Agency to remove the legislators for what they called “extremely disappointing decision”.

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  1. Suicide Bomber Suicide Bomber 25/01/2010

    Very cruel 🙁

  2. Ashot Ashot 01/02/2010

    Haha! “Click Van Cluck” 😀

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