'My IQ was simply too high' quote from an unknown blogger

Yerevan, Armenia – Tuesday night was marked by group of sophisticated Armenians celebrating their complete disregard towards James Cameron’s smash movie hit Avatar. “The Club”, Armenian mecca for those who consider themselves smarter and more complicated than others organized screening of an independent Croatian movie, to emphasize how primitive everyone who enjoyed Avatar are.

“Modesty aside, I’m just too smart to like Avatar, and 15 minutes after the premiere I was sharing my total disgust and boredom via Facebook status, Twitter and my personal blog” – was the statement of an avant-gard trombone player from Gyumri at the short interview we had at The Club.

“I wasted my time and money watching that pathetic rip-off of Pocahontas, I should’ve donated my 1500 drams to saving endangered jellyfish or some other noble cause” – sadly admitted Tatevik, head of an environmental NGO, age 12. Other sophisticated art aficionados were simply insulted by the plot of the movie: “I could tell what would happen in the finale after watching 7 minutes of the movie” – said Vahan, an exclusively black and white web designer, who has 7 blogs, 35 websites and no girlfriend. Another self-appointed movie critic claimed he knew the whole plot after just 4 minutes of watching the movie. The pointless debate stopped only when The Club’s most frequent high brow visitor, singer Armenchik announced that he knew the whole plot by just seeing the trailer.

'Hated it a capite ad calcem' Armenchik

“I most certainly find it impossibly arduous and somewhat immense to recommend any homo sapiens to witness that Gargantuan piece of post-modern sci-fi fecal. Gentleman of my statute could not help but vomiting for three consecutive hours” said Armenchik, author of musical gems like “Ալո դու էս, hello դու ես”.

Armenian movie appreciators organized a small but impressive ceremony before screening the Croatian movie. An average Facebook user who put up a status “I loved Avatar, it was brilliant, wanna see it again” was painted in blue, beaten to death then slowly roasted on smelly bonfire of Avatar DVD’s.

“It has always been our mission to expose our customers to true art, like the time we had an exhibition of framed underwear” said The Club’s owner Ludwig Arvestagetyan. The work of Croatian directors Hanja Kochansky and Rade Šerbedžija entitled “62 Elegant Emotions” tells the story of a young boy struggling with his complex emotions and developing necrophilia amid the war with Bosnia and Herzogivina in 1992. The movie, naturally done in black and white, was viewed in Croatian to preserve emotional tenseness, but had English subtitles for those few the Club visitors who only pretend to be sophisticated.

As a dramatic conclusion of the evening participants prepared a petition letter to be sent to James Cameron himself, stating that they warn the director that they will ignore all future James Cameron movies shown in Armenia. All 8 visitors of The Club signed the petition.

Denies Extra Weight Allegations

Armen Grigoryan, a.k.a, Armenchik, a celebrated American-Armenian pop singer announced in a press conference on Monday that the rumors of his obesity are not true.

“I am not fat, I’m simply big boned,” stated Grigoryan in a response to reporter of Radio Free Europe. “It’s a smear campaign orchestrated by my opponents, the skinny losers who fail to enjoy my art,” added the musician.

Earlier last week the singer had been caught in a scandal when a paparazzi took a shot of Armenchik consuming a double-burger at McDonalds. This however, was refuted by McDonalds chain as a” black PR”. CEO of McDonalds California branch Linda Butts said: “Armenchik is not on the list of visitors of our chain for the past 3 months and the photograph is an obvious fake.”

This, however, did little to smooth the tensions around the singers’ argued looks. American Association for Organic Food (AAOF) called Armenchik “Nation’s greatest Menace since WWII” and called on Law Enforcement agencies to take measures against the Armenian performer.

Former Vice-President Al Gore joint the “Armenchik debate” later on Tuesday claiming that the planet “cannot produce sufficient oxygen for individuals like Armenchik. With all respect, I must say that 35-37% of the gas emissions into the atmosphere are a direct result of unhealthy lifestyle of Armen-sized people,” concluded the former presidential wanna-be.

Just big-boned

After arguments in California about possible deportation of the singer to Armenia, the reaction on the Armenian side followed immediately. Armenian authorities have ruled out any chance for Armenchik’s return to Armenia for longer than 2 weeks per year. Minister of Space of Armenia was quoted on Monday appealing to the Californian authorities “for the love of God, we only have some 29 thousand square km room here. Have some decency and halt the deportation talks, for chrissake..”

“Armen is a charming young man and a gallant Armenian,” stated in support of the singer Shushan Petrosyan. “Not only is he not fat, but is also cute, lavish and punctual,” claimed Petrosyan.