Obama Calms Royal Wedding Turbulence by Killing Bin Laden

May 3, 2011 by 6 Comments

Will & Kate vs Obama & Osama

Washington DC – President Obama addressed the Americans with two good news: he announced that Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden was finally killed and that the Royal Wedding story will no longer dominate the news. “The world was in peril, Ladies and Gentlemen. The world was overtaken by the enormous news coverage of Will and Kate’s wedding, belittling the earthquake in Japan, war in Libya, and unveiling of my birth certificate. The Nation was sick and tired of hearing how cute Kate Middleton was or how awesome Prince William’s suit was. If I heard one more person comparing that wedding with the Cinderella story I’d blow my brains out.  The situation needed an urgent intervention. Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ

White House Unable to Generate New Genocide Synonyms

April 27, 2011 by 2 Comments

White House in staggering lexical recession

WASHINGTON DC – On April 24, US President delivered his annual Armenian Genocide address once again failing to come up with a new synonym for the Genocide. For three years now, Obama has been redundantly resorting to “Medz Yeghern”,  falling short of the decades-long White House tradition to improvise and come up with new  exciting diplomatic references to the Armenian tragedy.

Armenian Diaspora in US has already voiced deep disappointment over the lack of enthusiasm to find a new meaningful synonym and called on US authorities to exercise consistency. Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ

Azeri Teenagers Jailed for Masturbation Using Kim Kardashian Photo

April 19, 2011 by 12 Comments

Kardashian challenges patriotism among Azerbaijani youth

BAKU –  On Monday Azerbaijan’s secret services busted two students  from Baku State Engineering University after Heidar Aliev, catching them red-handed – indulging in anti-Azerbaijani erotica. Lobzik Byul-Byul (18 years old) and Heidar Azikyv (19 years old) are expected to face charges of high-treason for “succumbing to occupant pornography”.

Friends and family of the traitors have harshly condemned Lobzik and his peer. Lobzik’s uncle told the reporters on Tuesday: “He deserves the most severe punishment… all these years we thought we are raising a patriotic young Azeri boy only to be eventually disappointed by this pro-Armenian manifesto. Just to think – I taught him his first anti-Armenian jokes, I can’t believe he could betray us so filthily..” Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ, Լուրեր

Jewish Diaspora Urges Ahmadinejad to Pronounce “Holocaust” in Annual April 28 Remembrance Speech

April 5, 2011 by Leave a Comment

"Holocaust-shmolocaust... Let's leave history behind and move forward to wipe out the Zionist state"

INTERNATIONAL – As the Jewish Holocaust Remembrance Day approaches, Jewish communities around the world call on Iranian leadership to keep its long overdue promise to recognize the Jewish Holocaust. For decades the administration of IRI has refrained from describing the events of 1939-1945 as Holocaust by playing the diplomacy techniques.

Last year, Iran’s president Mahmud Ahmadinejad at his annual Remembrance address replaced the phrase “Jewish Holocaust” by a more distant “Let’s Wipe Out Zionist State” statement, which provoked significant anger among Jewish community of Iran and around the world. Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ

Russia Officially Announces Fourth Reich

December 14, 2010 by 6 Comments

Russia nazi fascist

The moment Hitler dreamed about comes true 65 years later

Moscow-for-Moscovites, RUSSIAN REICH – Early Saturday Russian President Medvedev signed a number of legislative acts, officially renaming capital Moscow to Moscow-for-Moscovites and the whole country from Russian Federation into Russian Reich. Estimated ten thousand young Nazis gathered on the Red Square to celebrate the long expected decision with joyful Nazi salutes and some casual ethnic minority beating.

While many Russians object to becoming Fourth Reich, President Medvedev said the following: “What you all need to keep in mind is that I am the cool and progressive Twiter/iPhone using President Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ

Zambia to Aid US in Fighting Child Obesity

November 1, 2010 by Leave a Comment

"Jumbo french fires with honey caramal topping and strawberry ice-cream on the side"

LUSAKA – President Rapiah Banda gathered a press conference to assure United States of America that Zambia is ready to lend a helping hand in struggle against child obesity. Overeating has caused 1 of 3 American children to go obese, while most Zambian kids remain hungry and skinny. Zambian Government vowed to consume 47% of American junk food every year. “This cooperation is mutually beneficial: American fat ass kids are a huge problem, no pun intended, while our kids keep being blown away with the wind. This will balance things out” – concluded President Banda.

While mostly junk food chains like McDonald’s and Burger King Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Սոցիալական, Աշխարհ

Nothing Interesting Happening in Sweden

October 11, 2010 by 8 Comments

Nothing happening in Sweden

Seriously, nothing is happening

STOCKHOLM – News outlets around the world keep reporting that nothing exciting or noteworthy is happening in Sweden. Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt tried to dismiss the accusations early this morning, saying that events in the country take place on almost daily basis: “On my way to the bathroom I met Joseph Gustavsen, head of the Swedish opposition, he said good morning and smiled, but I distinctivly felt something strange in his voice. I don’t know what it was but things happen in this country. I’m sure there will be more events this week.” Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` English, Աշխարհ

Aliyev Gives Local Comedians 48 Hours to Write Funny Armenian Jokes

October 4, 2010 by 5 Comments

Ilham Aliyev

Aliyev 'I want at least 5 knock-knock jokes about Serge Sargsyan'

BAKU – President Ilham Aliyev had a meeting with country’s leading comedians, jokesters, pranksters and major jackasses early this morning. After all 6 of them arrived, President explained that he was getting more and more concerned with absence of funny jokes about Armenians in the last year. “I used to enjoy Edik Nalbandyan jokes in Day.Az, but that’s old now, we gotta find something new, there’s got to be something funny about Armenians that we haven’t noticed yet. Otherwise I’ll think your sense of humor was surgically removed.” – said the Azeri leader. Կարդալ ավելին Read more

Բաժին` Սոցիալական, Աշխարհ

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