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Government To Replace Pension Raise with Christmas Phonecalls

Government Pledges to Drawn the Old in the Ocean of Love
Government Pledges to Drawn the Old in the Ocean of Love

YEREVAN – On Thursday, the Armenian government slammed criticism for not raising pensions by compensating with “more valuable support”. Prime Minister Karapetyan introduced “call the old” initiative at the government session.

Karapetyan specifically said: “We can’t regard the old as just money-sucking parasites.. Look into their hearts – what the need is care, attention, love. Statistics shows that 75% of young people fail to call their grandparents and ask how their old ones are doing…”.

New ambitious plan implies Ministry of Communication calling 200,00 thousand pensioners of Armenia on New Year’s eve and wishing them a Great Year or something.

"We will track them down and will hug the living shit out of them" - Avagyan
“We will track them down and will hug the living shit out of them” — Avagyan

The old people have received the news with cautious optimism. Artyom Avakyan, 94, says: “My grandkids don’t call me, don’t remember me.. like mthe great majority of grandchildren they are assholes.. I will pray for any government official that gives me a Christmas call”.

Opposition slams the plan and “cheap PR to get the old people come to vote” and promises counter the plan with hugging every old person in town.

On the other hand, Karen Avagyan promised support from Republican youth: “Young Republicans are ready to implement 10 hugs per person per day through January 2017. Obviously, some of the old will try to resist, which is why we have set up “Hug Enforcement Voluntary Corps”.

 

 

 

 

In association with AUA “Public Opinion Shaping” group