Azeri Teenagers Jailed for Masturbation Using Kim Kardashian Photo

BAKU –  On Monday Azerbaijan’s secret services busted two students  from Baku State Engineering University after Heidar Aliev, catching them red-handed — indulging in anti-Azerbaijani erotica. Lobzik Byul-Byul (18 years old) and Heidar Azikyv (19 years old) are expected to face charges of high-treason for “succumbing to occupant pornography”.

Friends and family of the traitors have harshly condemned Lobzik and his peer. Lobzik’s uncle told the reporters on Tuesday: “He deserves the most severe punishment… all these years we thought we are raising a patriotic young Azeri boy only to be eventually disappointed by this pro-Armenian manifesto. Just to think — I taught him his first anti-Armenian jokes, I can’t believe he could betray us so filthily..”

The Azeri pride-jackers have violated Azerbaijan’s constitutional stipulation on patriotism adopted in 2003 which qualifies this act as a betrayal of motherland, territorial integrity and Azerbaijani ladies.

Spokesman of Azerbaijani National Security Service after Heidar Aliev announced on Tuesday: “This is the second case of Azerbaijani young men embracing anti-Azerbaijani erotic fantasies, provoked by the Armenian Diaspora. This is a part of the information war and every citizen of Azerbaijan needs to be prepared to resist the anti-Azeri temptations”.

Ministry of Education of Azerbaijan after Heidar Aliev considers this a consequence of lack of awareness among youth on Azerbaijan’s hot women. Minister Tophique Mahmedov says: “We need to promote our local potential in magazines and manuals, so the new generation does not get carried away with politically incorrect breast of Kardashian or other separatist pornography”.

All political parties of Azerbaijan have condemned the young traitors and called on intensifying information war. Gyulab Mamedov, Member of “Yeni Azerbaijan” party after Heidar Aliev, proposed a list of Azerbaijan’s actresses and singers to be recommended to youngsters of transitional age.

Political analyst Yusuf  Bldughlu suggests a systematic approach to the issues: “The time that young men spend on fantasizing about Kardashian should be spent on fantasizing about returning Karabakh. Not only is it equally enjoyable but also patriotically reinforcing”.

Law enforcement agencies and information security services are currently taking measures to remove all images of Kim Kardashian from newspaper-stands, torrents and hard disks of young men in the Republic of Azerbaijan after Heidar Aliev.

Sources report that Eurovision beauty Safura took the incident as a slap in her face  and is currently preparing a new sexy video clip.